Another Lonely Day'
by DayDreamBeliever3
Summary: Luka/Abby Angst
1. Another Lonely Day

Another Lonely Day  
  
Random ramblings from me in order to avoid preparing for a presentation. Not exactly brillant!  
  
~~  
  
##Yes indeed I'm alone again  
  
and here comes emptiness crashing in  
  
it's either love or hate  
  
I can't find in between  
  
cause I've been with witches  
  
and I have been with a queen##  
  
Luka sighed as he drowned another beer. He laughed to himself as he though over the events of the day. His encounter with the therapist. Maybe he was crazy after all.  
  
"I had a relationship with someone I cared about and then I ruined it."  
  
Someone he cared about. Someone he loved. Whom he ached for every night since they had been apart. Who's image filled his head every waking moment, Who tortured him every second of the day.  
  
##it wouldn't have worked out any way  
  
so now it's just another lonely day  
  
further along we just may  
  
but for now it's just another lonely day##  
  
But he'd ruined it, ruined what they had. Just like he was ruining his life. A relationship was supposed to be about communication but towards the end it was purely physical. He'd wanted more but it was hard. Hard to get Abby to unburden herself, he get her to open up, let him in. He'd felt pushed away and he'd let her create barriers, build up walls. He'd made no attempt to knock them down. Instead he'd wallowed. Did make the effort to put up a fight for the woman he loved. He thought back to that night.  
  
"Carter can have you.."  
  
He was a fool. He didn't want Carter or anyone else to have her, only him.  
  
##wish there was something  
  
I could say or do  
  
I can resist anything  
  
but temptation from you  
  
but I'd rather walk alone  
  
than chase you around  
  
I'd rather fall myself  
  
than let you drag me down##  
  
He wished he could go back and change things. They exchanged the occasional conversation but never about anything of great value. He would do anything to get her back, but what was there he could do. Nothing but sit on the sidelines and watch her and Carter. Feel his heart breaking. Break down and cry when he was at home alone can in hand. Men don't cry but there was nothing else he could do. Hurt and anger consumed him. Bitterness ruled his heart. So he was fumbling along having meaningless sex as if it could somehow make him feel better. Who was he kidding only she could do that. Heal him, put him back together. But it was as if she was a million miles away from him. He sank back on the couch, continuing to drown his sorrows, block out the pain that consumed him.  
  
##yesterday seems like a life ago  
  
cause the one I love  
  
today I hardly know you I held so close in my heart oh dear  
  
grow further from me  
  
with every fallen tear##  
  
Little did he know Abby's face contained the same pained expression as she finished the bottle of vodka she had started half an hour early. She willed the numbness to come so she could forget.....  
  
it wouldn't have worked out any way  
  
so now it's just another lonely day  
  
further along we just may  
  
but for now it's just another lonely day  
  
-The song is another lonely day by Ben Harper. 


	2. Abandoned Love

Abandoned Love  
~I can't write but you can't sue, as I'm very broke.  
  
I put a boring lesson to bad use, I wasn't going to add anything but I changed my mind.  
  
~~~~  
  
~Everybody's wearing a disguise, to hide what they've got left behind their eyes. - Abandoned Love - Bob Dylan  
  
Abby's POV  
  
Rising from my semi-drunken state one thought fills my mind - Luka. I feel sober enough to negotiate my way to the door leaving a Dear John note, which makes me snigger. The night is cold and I neither have the warmth of an apartment or of alcohol any longer. The reality of what I am doing hits me but I dismiss any feelings of uncertainty. I have to do this I reassure myself over and over until I reach Luka's. Resolve the questions that surround us.  
  
I feel compelled to talk to him, get him to open up and to understand the man he's become. I can't seem to think, reason with my mind as it leads me to him. I knock softly hoping he won't hear me or be in. Drunken courage has brought me this far but it seem to be slowly deserting me. As I turn to leave the door opens. He emerges - tall, dark and as handsome as ever. I feel my skin redden as several dozen thoughts rush through my head and emotions are stirred in m heart.  
  
"Abby?" He says questioning my being there.  
  
"I've......" I break off, not understanding the nervousness I feel inside.  
  
"I thought we could talk?"  
  
He motions for me to come inside and it feels like years since I was there last, since my many nights spend on his couch. It's messier now, untidy, sloppy - his unsettled mind mirrored in this very room in front of me. He's been drinking too. I can see the cans and smell the alcohol on his breath. I wonder if he uses it like I do. For pain relief. To block it all out. Pain from what? From his wife, his children? Pain because of me? I quickly dismiss the last thought. But our Christmas conversation is dwelling on my mind. How exactly did he miss me ?  
  
He's changed so much since we were together, both of us have. But it scares me. He seems so much more fragile now - though he tries to hide it with his one night stands, tries to get close to people physically to fill the emptiness - the emptiness we both feel. We are so far from where we once were. I realise we both broken, it's what draws us together. We're both falling apart inside, both so much the same......  
  
~*~ 


	3. Ironic

Ironic  
  
~Short and sweet part. I'm still just rambling. I wish I could write something awesome to do the characters justify but I can't so =). I don't really think it fits so well where the other part left of but oh well!!  
  
~*~  
  
I am brought back to reality when I realised Luka was staring at me.  
  
"You wanted to talk?" I detect no friendless in his tone. I can't understand why he is so angry, so pained.  
  
"Yes"  
  
My brain seemed to have stopped sending messages to my mouth. Go Abby! - first stare for ages then look like an idiot. What could I say. Drunkenly you filled my head? Yeah, because that'd sound good.  
  
I finally broke the silence. "I was worried about you."  
  
"How kind"  
  
I noted the bitterness in his words. So pained, so alone - what had happened to my 'Luka' ? Had I changed him. We never opened up much to each other in the past but I feel right at this moment that it is him, not John who will understand. It's almost laughable. Truly Ironic. When I was with Luka, it felt right with Carter. Now with Carter - opening up to Luka felt right.  
  
"I'm sorry Luka. I wish I...I want to help you. To be your friend. To listen."  
  
He laughed. "You want to listen now? You're a bit late Abby" His words were angry.  
  
"You're drunk Luka."  
  
I didn't want to get drawn into a relationship analysis. All the crap that had happened between us. Crap. Makes it sound horrible. It wasn't. He wasn't. He was amazing, loving, caring. It takes two to tango. We both ruined it, both had a part to play. I used to blame him so much but more and more I see my role in the break up as becoming more and more the lead. But regrets don't do anything. Maybe I shouldn't be here.  
  
"I had a drink Abby, I'm not drunk. I'm not a drunk. Like..." He breaks off and looks away.  
  
"Like me? Don't do it to yourself Luka. Don't think drinking will help you. I care about you - more than you know and I don't want you to do this to yourself." I stood up to leave.  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"Home. I don't think we should do this, not with you like that."  
  
"I'm trying Abby. Stay we can talk. Don't leave."  
  
Every part of me tells me to go - back to my nice, warm apartment where my boyfriend is probably waiting up for me. To drink coffee with him and make meaningless conversation. But I want to stay - here with Luka. And I think he knows it. He's gone through so much, been so strong - whilst I've been at breaking point for so long, weak and fragile. Now he's the one needing to be fixed and I'm the one who needs to do it. To have a part in his life.  
  
His voice interrupts my thoughts. "You don't just forget about people who you've fallen completely in love with." He's drunk but I can see the truthfulness his eyes hold.  
  
"No." I reply "You don't."  
  
~*~  
  
I'm craving an angry passionate Luka scene now *sigh*. Thank you to all you guys who reviewed, I really appreciate it :). It's also great to see fans of them about - You've got to love Angst man! 


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